[ Slow instrumental music plays ]
Is it me, or is this an incr edibly slow news day?
It's very slow.
It's ex cruciatingly slow.
Yet her e we ar e.
Her e we be.
Waiting f or the news to happen.
Waiting f or the games to start.
What time does the first game start, Elliott?
In seven hours.
Wow.
-- Was it your f avorite? -- The shirt?
Was it your f avorite shirt?
I don't have a f avorite shirt.
-- The white J. Pr ess. -- That's not my f avorite shirt.
The white J. Pr ess isn't your f avorite shirt?
-- No. -- What's your f avorite shirt?
I don't have a f avorite shirt.
What shirt ar e you missing?
-- The white J. Pr ess. -- Your f avorite.
-- Shut up. -- How did you lose it?
-- I didn't lose it. -- Then how come you can't you find it?
I didn't say I couldn't find it. I said I didn't have it.
-- Wait... -- Dan...
-- Wait... -- Leave it alone.
Oh, my goodness gracious.
-- Danny... -- You had sex with a woman.
-- No. -- Yes.
-- No. -- You did.
I didn't.
You went to a woman's apartment,
and ther e you had wine, and ther e you had sex.
You are way off base. That is not what happened,
ex cept... yes, that's what happened.
Casey...
Fine.
I'm so proud of you.
I've never liked you at all.
You've got that rosy glow about you.
Jeremy: So here's the thing.
Natalie's invited me to spend Easter at her par ents' house in Ohio.
It would be thr ee days and two nights that would include
various f amily and holiday-oriented events such as dinners and trips to church.
Now... l'm Jewish.
No kidding?
Right... and I need some guidance
'cause I don't mind telling you, I'm f eeling just a little anxious about this.
Number one -- is it too early in our r elationship
f or me to be spending thr ee days at her par ents'?
I mean, it's not like I'm Pacino going back to Corleone
and bringing gifts to Appolonia's f amily.
And number two -- I'm Jewish.
And her f amily is, you know, incredibly not.
Which isn't, by the way, any sort of a problem f or me,
but I do think it might be a problem f or them,
because, after all, ther e ar e those who think I killed their lord, Jesus Christ.
Not me directly, mind you. I didn't drive the getaway car or anything.
In f act, my f amily's f rom Latvia, so we've got a pr etty solid alibi,
but anyway, Isaac, what do you think?
-- Oh, my God, wer e you talking to me all that time? -- You want me to start again?
Yeah, but first, could you just hit me over the head with that blunt instrument over ther e?
Jer emy, is ther e any news to r eport?
On what?
On the news.
Is ther e any news to r eport?
Sports, the news, your job --
I'm saying, is ther e any news to r eport?
I gotta tell you, ther e r eally isn't.
Isaac's got a lot of work to do.
How 'bout we talk about it later?
Ex cellent.
You must be getting tir ed of hearing everybody's personal problems.
-- Just a little. -- It's an office, after all.
That's right.
You'r e our boss, not our bartender.
We shouldn't be leaning on you like this.
Just so long as we'r e prof essional.
Gordon stood me up last night.
-- You wer e supposed to go out? -- We wer e supposed to go out.
Ah.
Is that all you have to say?
I'm surprised I could muster up that much.
We wer e gonna go to dinner and a late show at Rainbow and Stars,
but he had to work late,
which -- look, I'm not gonna be one of those women.
He has an important job, which he loves.
He had to work late.
When I was 11, I had a pet fish that died.
And what does that have to do with Gordon standing me up?
Nothing. I thought you wer e finished.
Isaac...
Dana, go do your show.
Right.
[ Knock on door ]
Hey.
[ lmitating Casey ] Hey.
How was last night?
Gr eat, it was gr eat.
Dinner at Rainbow and Stars, dessert at Caf e Lux embourg,
then we stayed up all night and we laughed.
What was that about?
There's nothing like Tuesdays at noon.
No news -- nothing to keep your minds busy.
Everybody coming in her e with their personal problems?
As if I --
I had sex last week f or the first time since Lisa and I split up.
It was with a woman I hardly know.
I'm f eeling kind of conflicted about it...
For many r easons, I suppose, not the least of which
is I obviously have to conf ront some unr esolved f eelings f or Dana.
[ Sighs ]
Plus, I r eally miss my shirt.
Keep talking.
I'm just gonna start drinking now.
[ Slow instrumental music plays ]
Natalie: Aren't we supposed to be featuring the box-and-one? -- Yes.
Well, we can probably find a better example of a box-and-one.
-- Why? -- 'Cause this isn't the box-and-one.
What's Jer emy doing out ther e?
He's making eggnog.
-- He's making eggnog? -- Isn't he sweet?
Why is he making eggnog?
'Cause he hates it.
He doesn't like eggnog.
It makes him sick.
Does he know that no one drinks eggnog at Easter?
He thinks we do.
You don't want to set him straight?
He's just getting the hang of it.
Let's talk about work.
All right, the box-and-one, especially if we'r e talking about North Carolina --
Everything's good now.
-- I'm sorry? -- Everything's good.
-- With Gordon. -- Yes.
-- Ex cellent. -- [ Chuckles ]
The ski weekend was good.
-- Good. -- That was all I had to say.
Okay. The North Carolina has two --
I meant that it was right.
The ski weekend.
It was the right thing to do.
Two people talk. They straighten things out.
-- So everything's good. -- It is.
Ex cellent. North Carolina --
it's better than good.
-- I'd have settled f or good. -- This is better.
-- Good. -- North Carolina.
-- Yes. The box-and-one -- -- Her e's the thing --
-- Dana... -- It's just this one thing.
-- What? -- It's this --
-- and I pr ef ace this by saying... -- That everything's good.
-- that everything's very good. -- But her e's the thing.
He stood me up last night.
Ah.
-- Yes. -- Why?
Well, he said he had to work late.
Maybe he had to work late.
I'm sur e he had to work late. Gordon doesn't lie.
And he wouldn't lie to me. And, plus, he oftentimes has to work late.
So... I am just a ridiculous person.
[ Laughs ]
You want to talk about it?
No. No, I want to work.
When North Carolina throws a box-and-one up against --
My instinct is to call him.
-- Don't. -- I know.
-- Repel that instinct. -- I'm trying.
-- Dana? -- Yeah?
-- You don't want to be that kind of woman. -- I don't.
You don't want to make that call.
-- It's not attractive. -- It's not attractive.
It's not attractive, and I'll tell you what else -- it is no f un.
-- That's right. -- "Wer e you r eally working last night,
or can I just turn you off a little mor e by being insane?"
You don't want to be that.
[ Laughing ] I r eally don't.
That's right.
And yet it seems I am.
Yes, indeed.
I am that woman.
But you can grow.
-- That's right. -- You can grow.
I can grow. I'm ripe f or growth.
-- I'm nothing if not potential. -- Yes.
But I don't think it's gonna happen today.
-- You'r e gonna call him? -- I wouldn't put it past me.
I don't think you should call him.
I don't, either.
Things ar e good.
Very, very good.
It wouldn't be attractive.
-- No! -- It won't be endearing.
-- That's right. -- It's a bad idea.
Yet her e I go.
[ Dialing ]
[ Slurping ]
How exactly did the shirt get left behind?
We don't r eally have to talk about this, do we?
-- I think we do. -- Yeah?
-- I think it's good f or you. -- Thanks.
-- How did the shirt get left behind? -- I spilled wine.
-- She off er ed to throw it in the laundry. -- I told her not to go to any trouble.
-- "Oh, it's no trouble." -- But then morning comes around --
And you don't f eel like sticking around f or the shirt to get out of the drier.
So I put my jacket on over my T-shirt...
-- Slink on home. -- I didn't slink.
-- What time was it? -- It was about 6:00 A.M.
-- It was just getting light outside? -- Yeah.
-- Jacket over the T-shirt? -- Like I said.
-- You slinked. -- Danny...
You slinked, my young f riend.
And I've never f elt closer to you in my entir e lif e.
Dana: I'll tell you why l-I called,
and this is gonna sound silly.
Abort, Dana.
Ther e was no r eason f or this call.
[ Laughs ]
Ther e was absolutely no r eason.
This is a call in the middle of the day to say hello...
[ Chuckles ] 'cause that's the cut of my jib.
Would you please?
That would be gr eat.
That would be... r eally good.
[ Whispering ] This is r eally good.
That's r eally good.
Well... mm-hmm. I'll see you later.
[ Chuckles ] Goodbye.
[ Receiver hangs up ]
He's coming by tonight f or the show,
then we'r e gonna go out.
The tone in his voice -- uh! -- his tone of voice --
it was all I needed to hear.
I could tell right away.
-- I'm glad. -- [ Laughing ]
You see what I'm talking about?
-- Communication... -- Yes.
-- between two people. -- Yes.
"The cut of my jib" -- I've never said that bef or e.
-- It sounded good. -- [ Chuckling ]
Jer emy's still at it with the eggnog?
He badly wants to be accepted by my par ents.
-- Yes. -- Come to think of it, so do I.
Sur e.
Look, an editing machine -- we can work.
His tone of voice --
You guys will have a gr eat time tonight.
Things ar e very good right now.
That's right.
I was f eeling strange, and now I'm not f eeling strange anymor e.
Good. North Carolina.
I still f eel strange.
-- I know. -- Why do I f eel strange?
-- I have a theory. -- You have a theory about this?
I have a theory about why you'r e f eeling strange.
I know you do, but I choose not to hear it.
Well, lif e's not quite like that, is it, though?
-- No, it's not. -- Her e's my theory --
-- Yes? -- You don't like Gordon.
Well, that's an inter esting theory, and you'd be completely right
ex cept f or the f act that you'r e totally wrong.
Dana...
Natalie...
This is you and me talking, Dana. I'm not other people.
This is our little coven of women.
"Coven" is a group of witches.
I thought a coven was just a group.
It's a group of witches.
All right, then this is our little something else.
And also because a coven is mor e than two.
-- A coven is mor e than two? -- Yes.
-- Ar e you sur e? -- Yes.
-- Ar e you absolutely sur e? -- Yes.
Then, thank you, William Safir e.
I'm just saying, if you'r e gonna misuse a word,
-- you should do it properly. -- You don't like Gordon.
Listen, that's not true.
It is true, and you happen to be
the only one who doesn't know it.
I like Gordon a lot.
I love Gordon. I'm telling you --
And I'm telling you that when you use that word in a romantic context,
you have absolutely no idea what you'r e talking about.
Well, now...
[ Sighs ]
The box-and-one.
[ Sighs ]
That was a lousy thing to say about Gordon.
I didn't say it about Gordon. I said it about you.
Let's work.
That'd be fine.
[ Sighs ]
I'm calling him again.
To hear his tone of voice?
-- That's right. -- lmagine my surprise.
I'd like some privacy.
-- I'll go get some Fritos. -- Thank you.
-- Would you like any Fritos? -- No, I'm fine.
I'll be the judge of that.
Appar ently you will be.
This is one of those moments
I'm compelled to tell you how wonderf ul you ar e.
Every once in a while, I'm r eminded
how lucky I am to be dating a solid, matur e man.
Jer emy, swallow the eggnog.
I just can't.
Anybody r emember Salanio and Salerio?
-- Yes. -- Chris?
Salanio and Salerio?
-- From "The Merchant of Venice." -- Yes.
-- "Yes" you r emember them? -- Yes.
-- Elliott? -- What?
She wants to know if you r emember them.
I don't believe I do.
They brought news --
news of Antonio and his ship
and the state of Shylock's loan to Bassanio.
They helped to keep the audience up to date.
The Venticelli, they wer e called -- the little winds.
Man, this is about as bor ed as I have ever been in my lif e.
Jer emy, good Jer emy, what ho?
-- "What ho?" -- What news, Jer emy?
Why is she speaking like this?
She thinks she's Sacco and Vanzetti.
Salanio and Salerio.
The little winds.
-- The Venticelli. Yes.
All right... well, Dana's having second thoughts about Gordon.
Dana thinks it's because Gordon stood her up last night under suspicious circumstances,
but Natalie thinks it's because Dana r eally likes Casey.
Casey's a little out of sorts because sometime last week, he spent the night with someone.
Casey thinks it's because it was too soon after his marriage broke up,
but Dan thinks it's because Casey's in love with Dana.
That's pr etty much it.
Would it be wrong f or you guys just to make up a news story?
It would be f undamentally wrong.
Can any of you tell me anything about the host waf er?
[ Rattles ]
-- So you made her br eakf ast? -- No.
-- You didn't make her br eakf ast? -- I just left.
-- 'Cause you were uncomfortable. -- Yeah.
-- Something wasn't right. -- Yes.
You could have f ried her an egg, dude.
Danny...
Haven't you noticed ther e's a question I haven't asked you yet?
Yes.
I haven't asked you who it was.
No, you haven't.
I haven't asked you her name.
I appr eciate it.
Do you know why I haven't asked?
It was, like, a week ago, Danny. Uh, can we drop it?
I haven't asked, because that's not what men do.
-- And it's r eally not. -- We don't ask.
We don't tell. We don't do a lot of things that women think we do.
-- That's what makes us men. -- Was it Victoria?
-- Who's Victoria? -- From your building.
-- That's Leslie. -- Was it Leslie?
I'm not gonna tell you her name.
We can do this the hard way, or we can do this the easy way.
What's the hard way?
I don't know, but the easy way is you telling me her name.
Danny...
-- What's the big deal? -- It's not a big deal.
That's why I'm not gonna tell you her name.
Just whisper it in my ear, come on.
Oh, you know that's not gonna happen.
If it's easier, you could write it down on a piece of paper.
Why would that be easier?
Maybe the name's difficult to pronounce.
The name's not difficult to pronounce.
Now we'r e getting somewher e.
Can I ask you a question?
Is it about the box-and-one?
-- Yes. -- Sur e.
Do you think Casey's been seeing Sally?
-- No. -- You don't?
-- No. -- You don't think he's been seeing Sally?
-- No. -- Just like that?
What do you mean?
I mean it seems like you didn't have to think about it at all.
-- You didn't have to consider it. -- I didn't.
-- Why not? -- 'Cause I know he's not seeing Sally.
How do you know?
'Cause if he was, I'd know.
-- That's what I thought, too. -- Yeah.
I thought if he was, I'd know.
But then I thought, Casey's very discr eet.
He's extr emely discr eet.
Discr etion is very big with Casey.
Very big. And then I also thought, why wouldn't he be seeing Sally?
Sally is maybe the best-looking woman --
I don't know -- in the world.
He's just gotten done with a 10-year marriage to --
now, don't get me wrong, 'cause she's an old f riend --
a pr etty hideous wench.
Wouldn't you be seeing Sally? I'd be seeing Sally.
He's not seeing Sally.
Sally's body is ridiculous.
You have a very good body, Dana.
-- Bet your ass I do. -- That's right.
And you do, too.
Tell me about it.
But that woman's body is over the line.
He's not seeing Sally.
Then he's out of his mind.
You r eally like my body?
She'd be r eceptive to his advances.
She's made that quite known.
I'll grant you that.
She is "Sally the willing."
You know how I know Casey isn't seeing Sally?
How?
Because he r eally car es about you.
And he knows it would hurt your f eelings.
Dan: l, for example, have had, f rom time to time,
trouble pronouncing the name "Moira."
Also, we know someone named "Kirsten,"
and some people pronounce it "Keersten."
It's not Kirsten. It's not Moira.
-- Jane's an easy name to pronounce. -- It's not Jane.
-- So's Pam. -- You know what?
I have an idea. Let's talk about this a lot mor e.
I have literally nothing to do.
Get a scor e on Michigan/Michigan State.
84-66, Michigan.
Look at that.
Hey, Sally.
Sally had the scor e.
What's going on?
Oh, virtually nothing.
Sally was right ther e with the scor e.
You got a problem with me today, Dan?
You'r e 19 f eet tall.
Why ar e you wearing heels?
Ar e you f eeling diminutive?
No... but now I have to look up that word.
-- Casey... [ Clears throat ] -- Yeah?
-- l, um, can't find it. -- You can't find it?
-- The thing. -- Yeah.
You know what I'm talking about?
-- Yeah. -- Can't find it anywher e.
-- It's okay. -- I'll keep looking.
You know, if -- if it turns up.
Maybe it got mix ed up with someone else's laundry.
Yeah, it's no big deal.
Maybe I'll see you later.
I'll be her e or on the air.
I'll be her e or ther e.
-- I know. -- Yeah, of course.
Have a good show.
Okay, you only think you know what she was talking about.
I have a hunch I cracked her code, yes.
She was talking about a pair of cross-country skis that she borrowed.
That may have gotten mix ed up in the laundry.
Yes.
While I applaud your initiative,
while I like that you'r e moving f orward,
and while I admir e your having climbed Mt. Sally --
Danny...
This is a r ecipe f or disaster.
-- It's no big deal. -- Mor eover...
-- What? -- You shouldn't tell Dana.
Well, of course I'm not gonna tell Dana.
I mean, Dana shouldn't find out.
-- I know. -- Do you?
Yes.
What is it, Jer emy?
Inter esting thing --
did you know that the word "Easter" never appears in the Bible?
-- Is that right? -- The Bible is absent
any mention of a celebration of the Resurr ection of Christ,
save f or one verse --
Acts 12, Verse 4, and that's only in the King James Bible,
wher e the word "Passover" was mistranslated as Easter.
However, in the new King James, the American standard,
and even the new international version,
the word is translated corr ectly as "Passover."
Now, that's a r elief.
I did a search on the word "Resurr ection."
-- Ex cellent. -- Want to hear mor e?
-- Not at all. -- Can I ask a question?
Sur e.
Jesus said, "Behold my hands and my f eet,
"that it is myself.
"Handle me and see, f or a spirit hath not flesh and bones,
as ye see me have."
What's your question?
This r elates to the bunny rabbit how?
Get out.
No problem.
[ Indistinct murmuring, giggling ]
[ Laughing ]
[ Knocking on glass ] That's debatable.
Get a room, f or cryin' out loud.
Hey, how you doin'?
Oh, it's a very slow news day.
Well, a bunch of congr essmen ar e about to vote
to roll back entir e sections of 77 Sub-B.
Uh, any of them gonna be holding basketballs when they do it?
Probably not.
Well, you'r e her e early.
Well, I like watching Dana in action.
Uh, who doesn't?
Listen, I better get in action. Shout if you need me.
I need you.
[ Giggles ] Just like that.
[ Giggles ]
-- Hey, Gordon. -- Hmm?
Have you ever met a woman who works downstairs named Sally?
Really tall?
Yeah. She's the ex ecutive producer
on the "West Coast Update" -- 2:00 A.M.
Yeah, we've talked a couple of times.
Yeah.
Don't take my f riendship with Dana f or granted.
[ Chuckles ] What do you mean?
I know you think I'm in love with her.
I know she thinks I'm in love with her,
and that's all fine as long as it's f un and games.
But I want you to know Dana's important to me.
I've known her a long time, and I like her a lot.
And ther e ar e certain lengths I'd go to to avoid seeing her get hurt in any way.
What's on your mind, Casey?
You'r e wearing my shirt, Gordon.
I was wondering why it f elt so tight.
Yeah.
-- Hey. -- Hey.
[ Giggles ] So what wer e you and Gordon talking about?
-- Bef or e? -- Yeah.
-- Nothing. -- No, no, r eally.
Really, it was --
-- You guys ar e getting along well now. -- Yeah.
-- I'm glad. -- Me too.
Things ar e going so good now, Casey --
I mean, with the two of us.
-- You and Gordon. -- Yes.
-- That's gr eat. -- Isn't it?
Yes.
What?
-- Nothing. -- Really?
Yeah, I was --
-- The games have started. -- What?
The games.
Right.
'Oh'
Dana: Let's go! [ Claps ]
-- 'Now, I don't hardly know her' -- I want to see the people who work here work here.
Kim, stay on the DePaul game.
We'r e gonna back it up to the f eatur e.
-- 'But I think I could love her' -- Elliott, get a wir e summary and cut f ootage...
and make sur e that Natalie sees it.
Dave, Chris, Will...
-- 'Crimson and clover' -- I need a sound test and a color pattern bef or e 10:00.
It's showtime! Let's move.
'Oh'
[ Rock music plays ]